Lawyer Stories

If geneticists can ever work out the kinks, I think I have come up with a great recipe for the perfect associate. Take the DNA of someone who has a total lack of respect for him/herself, and splice in a touch of hamster DNA. If you could then convince the associate that a desk and chair are the human equivalent of one of those wheels you always see in a hamster cage, you'd have it made. The firm could save money on employee perks, as well. Instead of coffee and soda, we could hang a water bottle from the wall in each associate's office. The restrooms the rest of us would use would be cleaner and smell better, too. Each associate would have a small box partially filled with cedar chips that he/she could use. Instead of eating quick fast-food meals three times a day and fouling our nice bathroom, they'd have to use the little boxes in their office.

I'll try to work through the other details and give a presentation to the Powers That Be.